It’s another Thursday. Happy thankful Thursday. Yay! Right?
I don’t remember who made this comment, but a while back a friend of mine mentioned that my blog posts are consistently upbeat and hopeful. She asked me if I ever feel down, if I ever just break down and fall…
My answer? By the hour.
I recently wrote about this in my private LiveJournal, but I’m an emotional wreck. I don’t mean this in a negative way, nor do I mean it in a positive way. Quite simply, my mood plummets and flies at the speed of light. Ask my family. One moment, I’ll be giddy with elation and in the next I’ll be in a lonely corner with death on my shoulders. I have days where even my closest friends and the darkest of chocolates can’t break my case of the blues. And you know what? That’s okay.
I’m human.
Today has been a rough one. Nothing tangible happened, but for unexplainable reasons, my heart is heavy and my mood is low. I wrote, practiced yoga, talked with a good friend for over an hour, meditated on my highly anticipated Ohio trip next week, and even made vegan rice krispie treats… Yet I’m still hurting.
So, in case any one else is wondering if I ever struggle to stay strong and on top of depression: Yes. Yes, I do… But I get by. I grasp onto the knowledge that the hopelessness I’m feeling will eventually pass and that maybe my next moment will be brighter. Because, and this is something I know, there is always happiness ahead.
It is this touch of wisdom that I’m thankful for today.
“For the warrior, the experience of the sad and tender heart is what gives birth to fearlessness.”
~Chögyam Trungpa
I really like that quote, and I see where it plays true.
Depression is a bitch. It’s like the annoying yappy dog (which is much like my chihuahua) that never leaves you alone, but that you cope with anyhow. And, as we’re both mildly masochistic, we actually like it some times. Okay. A lot. Ugh.
But yes. Your entries are upbeat. I think it’s because, like me, you try and keep them that way and only write them happy.
Just think. A week from now you’ll be here.
Comment by Hannah — July 10, 2009 @ 3:27 am
The way I see it, if you want rainbows you have to put up with the rain. That’s the thinking which keeps me going, knowing everything leads to something. And eventually it will lead to something great.
Fairy cakes muffins things is my hybrid invention. They aren’t as fluffy as muffins and look like mini muffins. haha, they do actually taste okay. My brother likes them. (:
Dude if you did come over to the U.K. next summer, even for a while that would be amazingly cool. Like eleven out of ten for coolness.
Oddly enough when you mentioned things which aren’t your thing, running is one of my things I am kinda good at (100m , 200m and 400m relay). Well, sports in general, except table tennis, I suck at that.
Comment by Shola — July 10, 2009 @ 10:44 am
I had my battle with depression a while back; it got to the point where I was doing self-harm and it wasn’t good. Someone had to tell me that there was always something worse, that whatever happened, I wasn’t alone. I was very stubborn those days.
When I blog, I try and keep it positive. I know I can vent sometimes, and get angry, but in my blogs, I try to stay positive. Writing really helps me release some of those emotions. Sometimes I just pick up a pencil and paper and lash out. That’s how many of my angry scribbles come about… I have felt upset many times before blogging, but I try and find a way to look at it positively. That people who care will be there to make sure I’m okay.
I hope you’re feeling a bit better! I know you can focus on the positive things in your day, because they’re the things that matter.
In reply to your comment: Yeah, I don’t see why the “emergency” exit was so long. D: I’m glad James was with me lol, I was seriously petrified. Ooh, and I did clean up my affiliates. I had them on rotation before, which really confused me because I couldn’t see everyone’s links… O_O So I just put them all there. And put the more special people under “loved”. ;D
Comment by Georgina — July 10, 2009 @ 12:04 pm
That’s such a wonderful quote.
Actually, I depressed, a lot. Well I am very, very young but I’ve been pressed with so many things around me :/ I usually blurb about my depression on Tumblr, not on my blog. I’ve tried to be positive lately, and I started to believe, there will be a happiness for me–I don’t know when but it would be. But, when I’m depressed, I always think that happiness doesn’t exist–it’s just a pathetic word, fake feeling that Walt Disney created and applied on all of his stories.
Just be happy, be positive, you have a lot of friends on offline life or online life, you can talk to them–we’re here for you! 8D
Ugh, can people just get over it? I mean, they don’t even know MJ, some of them maybe haven’t ever heard of MJ’s songs before he dead, then why do they care? I do care, it’s sad I know, but please just get over it! Don’t think that MJ’s death is a trend we can follow. Pathetic :/
Comment by Nnie — July 10, 2009 @ 2:09 pm
What a beautiful quote and wise post! Thank you.
This cheered me up.
Rice Krispie Treats are the bomb.
Comment by Lizzi — July 10, 2009 @ 3:06 pm
*huggles* I think everyone feels that way at some point in their lives. I know I do, though I doubt anyone can tell. It’s awesome howe you keep your blogs so up-beat, brings a smile to my face
In reply to your comment, I broke it about eight years ago when I came off a flying fox. The x-rayed it and put it in a cast. Ever since then it has hurt on and off but this year was really bad so I finally went and got it x-rayed. Turns out there was a bit of loose bone and the bone on the other side was shorter than it was supposed to be causing my wrist to be on the angle that it was. So about two weeks ago I had an operation where they took out the bit of loose bone, broke the shorter bone, gave me a bone graft from my hand plus plates/screws down the bone so it would fix itself at the proper angle (the bone was 20 degrees back the wrong way too).
On a lighter note, you def need to read them! They’re fantastic and really addictive, if easy reads
Comment by Alex — July 11, 2009 @ 2:35 pm
I know, they are real annoying. I was like “Oh god, have I regressed back into secondary school?!” haha.
“If you want rainbows, you have to put up with the rain.”
A dandy little quote that isn’t? I tell myself that every day to keep me going. Especially at work. Just muttering to myself…”The rainbow will come soon.” (: Hope your weekend is going great.
Comment by Shola — July 11, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
Yeah! I was inspired by our conversation. OOPS I should put your link on your blog :/ My bad! I’ll put your link.
Just upgrade your WP–it’d be fine! Seems like people have upgraded it successfully. I was scared too but I decided to do it and yay it worked!
Comment by Nnie — July 12, 2009 @ 4:41 am
Hehe people said I’ve been too nice to people. It’s just that this person is also a huge pain in the neck overall. It’s not like someone I know who’s annoyed me – I get over that easily. I think I should have ducked out!
Haha well I think it’s probably the combination with WordPress that confuses you. You can always find a centered template (audiorush.info has some) and work with that. It’s pretty simple though, but if you’re having that much trouble then I guess a template could help you a bit to understand it.
And get it to work, obviously. 
Haha you wrote “bogging” instead of “blogging” – made me crack up a bit there. XD
Comment by Georgina — July 12, 2009 @ 9:49 am
I feel like my blog posts are the same way, more upbeat and cheerful. I don’t feel totally comfortable sharing too deep of feelings on the WWW and that I would reserve them for livejournal more likely. But this was a good post, and the quote was actually really inspirational.
Comment by Ashley — July 12, 2009 @ 8:49 pm
I lOVE how inspirational and upbeat and wise your posts always are.You make me happy.You help me remember that everyone feels like I do. Thank you for being such a beautiful person. I am grateful to have you in my life!
xoxo….
Comment by Renee — July 13, 2009 @ 3:51 pm
That was very inspirational. I can really relate- I’m bipolar depressive, and sometimes it’s a struggle. Good luck, and keep trying.
Comment by Sarah — July 15, 2009 @ 9:37 pm