But. No. No. Productivity. Must be productive. Always productive!

My route to work after the weekend’s storm.

Life is lovely. In all honestly, I’m struggling with words. So much has occurred since I last wrote here, so much good, so much craze, so many random and thoughtful and ridiculous moments. How can I even attempt to sum it up in a silly blog post? Not to mention a quick, breezy blog post (despite this being a “mellow evening at home” I have a frantic list of things that should be accomplished before I attempt to sleep)?

Days pass easily. I’m more content then I have ever been. I keep waiting for something to slam into me, some great traumatic event to take place and swing me off my hinge. For years I have walked into each moment repeating, “You are happy, you are happy, you are fucking happy for fuck’s sake.” But now I just am. I am happy and my restless mantra is so unnecessary.

My jaw constantly aches. Perhaps I smile too much. Is that possible?

View from my Mini Cooper on the I-10 in route to Tucson, Arizona.

My psychology course is ridiculously intriguing. I flew to Utah and saw my family. I have yet to develop a senile hatred for my flatmates. My friends still seem to love me despite seeing me as often as they do. Driving in snow and ice and death is actually not as horrific as I expected. A good friend and I took a spontaneous roadtrip (literally planned six hours in advance) to southern Arizona and I got to hug my dear Hannah. I somehow managed to grab a job at an adorable independent coffeehouse in Manitou Springs (yes, where FIY takes place, yes, I pretend I serve espresso to Vincent everyday, yes, I’m crazy) where we have live music on frequent occassions and vegan cupcakes and HEMP (and almond and soy and regular) milk. I’m still writing, still revising (FIY), still breathing as I normally do.

Blurry family in Park City, Utah.

I have never been so alive. I have never been so productive. I have never been so excited to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up and start the new day. I always anticipated that Colorado would be a good choice of a move, that I would be happy here, but never to this extent, never to this grand of intensity.

Naturally everything isn’t all wonderful and dandy. There are faults and annoyances and minutes where I just want to scream at the cloudy sun. It’s reality. And it’s fragmented. But the fragments are what make the good things so blissful.

Today was good. It was good because I let it be.

And I wrote these 600 something words in these innocent few minutes and I’m sure this entire entry is scattered and cheesy and the usual Heather bullshit. But this is me. This is what makes sense in my head, what came from my fingers and out onto my keyboard. I’m here to remain.

Anyway. This is it. The end. Until March. And I’m closing comments. Not for any real reason. Comments just don’t feel necessary, you know? Email me if you feel compelled to respond to that question.

Anyway. Life.

I have moved to Colorado Springs. Everything involved in my relocation occurred so effortlessly. Nothing went wrong. I’m still blinking back in shock – waiting for something horrific to fall from the sky, to symbolize the intensity of what I just did.

What did I just do? I moved to Colorado. Since I was fourteen I’ve been counting down the days until I turned eighteen and could ship my life off to the Rockies and it finally happened, it’s no longer a dream, no longer a hopeful goal, but absolute reality. I signed a lease, drove over a thousand miles, and spun my life into a whole new orbit. The days here pass differently, like the high altitude has greater powers then what we know.

I’ve been here for two weeks now, but if I didn’t know better it’s been two years. Time has slowed incredibly and for once I’m so grateful, for the first time in my life I’m bowing down to this perspective, to these days that last for an eternity. It’s odd to be on my own again, to have flatmates and no parents and no one to bend to but myself. But it’s so right, this is so what I needed, and as each hour ends, I find myself all the more giddy to be living the life I currently live.

Nothing is constant. Nothing ever remains the same. Everything changes. That’s the truth of life, that’s the one fact that has yet to fail in consistency. So as this moment stretches on, I’m all the more grateful to be within it.

I think I’ll remain a Monthly Blogger for now. It works with my current rhythm and, truth be told, blogging is low on my list of priorities. I have my novel revisions, my friends, my distant family, my health to maintain, a psychology course this semester to ace, a job to obtain, and so on. But I’ll still be around, I always come back eventually.

May I just take this random paragraph to rave over how incredible it is to live where my second book takes place? It’s such a blessing to work on a scene and then drive to where it supposedly occurs. It’s a constant flood of inspiration, an endless reminder to STOP, slow down, and write for fuck’s sake. And yeah, okay, I definitely lived in Orange County (within driving distance of everything) where A FEAR OF TEARS is set during the entire writing process, but this is different. This is Colorado Springs.

It’s like I’ve finally come home. I’m living my dream, the dream I held close since I was fourteen, and it feels so real. This is reality. The truth of it hit me easily. I settled here so naturally.

Before I wrap this up just a quick shot out to all of my fellow aspiring authors out there! If you have a completed YA or MG manuscript, check out this Kidlit Contest. I’ll definitely be entering.

Anyway. Back to the FIY revision!

As always, I’ve been writing, but not in the typical Heather Way. I’m writing poetry and lyrical passages of nothing. I’m writing a lot of odd types of artistic things, work I don’t usually do. I’ve never been one for poetry, but that has become my muse. Long paragraphs of eloquent meaningless whining. I’m proud of the writing, but they’re not novels. And therefore in my head not truly productive. I’m in between revisions. I SHOULD be working on FIY, but instead my mind is spinning with these silly fragmented passages. Poetry of sorts, but not really. I’m no poet.

And yeah, I totally just made a huge deal about being a “novelist” back in August, and not wanting to write anything but novels, but gosh, these days my creativity has just tilted. I’m not complaining. I welcome the change. Though I do need to work on the FIY Revision #2. Perhaps the ball will get rolling again once I receive my professional “notes”. No, I still have not heard from the Important Person, but I’m oddly calm about it. She’ll email whenever she emails, and you know, until then I’ll continue to work and cultivate my craft.

I got a new tattoo this weekend!

The four leaf clover was done in July 2008, when I was sixteen. I had to go to Vegas for it, but I’m so glad I did. It’s a long story, but the clover symbolizes recovery. It’s a marking of my strength, my healing, my recovery. The nod to my Irish roots and extra luck is just a bonus. The lotus is fresh and new, just scarred on this Friday. It symbolizes purity, the growth of my spirituality, and finding that spark of connection within myself.

Anyway. I’m absurdly pleased with how it turned out.

Mallory requested a photo of my new glasses. So, this photo is dedicated to her! Yeah. Not really a picture of my glasses specifically, but I’m really not a fan of close up face photos.

I’m off to bake some spelt cranberry vegan cookies for my older sister and then perhaps practice some yoga. Have a lovely week!

The A FEAR OF TEARS revision is going fabulously. Even more so now that I have a real deadline. October 25th. I spent all of the summer skipping around the country and doing close to no work, so getting back to the real grind of ten hour writing days (give or take) feels so good. Like jumping into that chilled pool on a blistering hot day.

My move to the Rockies is just around the corner. It’s 41 degrees in Colorado Springs today (in September!). It’s 102 here. I think I may be in for a bit of shock come January. Snow? What’s snow? Is it something you eat? Hm. I guess I’ll have to see.

I wonder how The Agent is liking FALLING INTO YESTERDAY. I should be hearing some feedback in the next month. Scary, but exhilarating. I really adore life right now. Writing, revising, reading, moving so soon, all with some vegan baking in between.

I want to fly to Alaska tomorrow morning. Who’s with me?

Oh. No one? Well, I guess I should go make some more ginger jasmine tea and get back to writing.

Until next time!

It’s September. The month of school, Santa Ana winds, an abundance of coffee, and wildfires. Outside the air is gray, murky, and toxic. It’s not clouds sitting above my head but a thick layer of smoke. They say southern California is paradise, but is it really a trap? The vain and the rich get the pleasure of watching their world burn up every year. Oh, yes, it sounds like a fabulous life to me.

Life is kind of fast. It’s kind of absurd, too.
In a week I’ve concluded that:

• I’m moving to Colorado Springs this January.
• Yes, COLORADO SPRINGS! Finally.
• Until then, I’ll be working at Comic Quest, the comic bookstore I slaved at when I was fifteen. I’m thrilled to be employed there again.
• I WILL be published someday. I don’t care how long it takes, what it takes, or how many No’s I’ll have to read. It’s not something I’m ever going to back down on.
• I don’t care what people say, revisions are extremely fun. I enjoy them almost as much as the actual writing process.
• I’M MOVING TO COLORADO SPRINGS!
• I’m going to major in psychology, though it make take me ten years to actually get my Bachelor’s. Whatever.
• No. I still haven’t heard back from The Agent. I welcome any response: “Yes.” “No.” “You suck.” “I love Vincent!” “Learn to spell.” I just want an answer. Preferably an answer with, “You’re magnificent, Heather. Be my client and lets make pretty hardbacks.” But you know, beggars can’t be choosers.
• The idea of driving in the snow is absurdly terrifying. I hardly know how to drive in the rain!
• Hi. I’m going to be living in Colorado soon.

I miss conversing through comments with my affiliates. Being a writer hermit in a cave has its perks, but it also has its fall backs. I miss my friend’s blogs! Can I not have it all? Sleep is such a waste of time. I should invest in drinking more then my usual 5 mugs of coffee a day. Coffee is so good for the soul. I think I’d parish without coffee.

Keep your thoughts on southern California (specifically LA right now), friends. Fire Season has just begun, the Santa Ana’s haven’t even started, and we have a long autumn a head of us. I’m safe. I plan to hide under my dining room table with my laptop and write. The toxic smoke infused air can’t touch me here!

I mentioned I’m moving to Colorado, right?

Okay, back to AFOT and yummy Hayden Mason!

Anyhow, having that terrible generic Wordpress page up for a few days inspired me to make a new layout! About time, right? I’m actually really proud of it. It features a photo I captured last Wednesday in Colorado Springs. And, to add an even greater personal touch, the header font is my handwriting!

About a month ago I decided to make a few personal fonts for the copies of A Fear of Tears I give out to friends. The novel features quite a bit of Post-It notes, so I figured it’d be fun to make each character’s font unique. ANYWAY, I wound up using Hayden’s (or, er, my) font for the new site header! It makes me giggle, because I’m a bit of a nerd.

But yes, I only have FireFox installed on my laptop, so I’m not sure what the layout looks like in other browsers. Let me know if there’s anything funny going on. I know the header is a bit large/long, but whatever. I like it.

In other news, I’ve returned to Berkeley. My departure from Colorado was rather epic, as an inane blizzard made the I-25 icy and nasty and scary and slippery and dangerous to drive on. Needless to say, the trip up to Denver was a bit nerve racking, but Fayie is amazing and still managed to get me to the airport with an hour to spare.

Somewhere in between Colorado Springs & Denver.

California is currently having a rather ridiculous heat wave (97F in Orange County/86F in Berkeley), so my body is in a bit of a temperature shock. If anything though, the physical discomfort is keeping me from noticing how much I miss Fayie, all of my other friends, and Colorado in general. The ten days passed by FAR too quickly.

To add to my mental/physical/everything craziness, I move out of my Northern CA studio and back down to my family’s house in Orange County this weekend. I have a lot of mixed (mostly negative) feelings about it, but I’m trying to stay positive. It is what it is and I’m going to make the best of it.

The pros of living back at home in Southern CA:

• I get to be with my babies Belle & Leo 24/7!

• Being able to drive my amazing Mini Cooper again! I MISS driving!
• Being with my family, obviously.
• Being near the few friends I have down there.
• Having my own bedroom and bathroom – not having to share a studio.
• Being able to save money in preparation to move to Colorado in the next year.
• Living in a nice house with a pool/spa & outdoor fireplace.
• Getting to cook is a wonderfully large kitchen again and prepare meals/baked good for more mouths then my own. I HATE cooking single serving meals. xD

I’m not going to list the cons of the OC, but focus on the pros. And the pros really are great! So it’s okay! My time in Berkeley has been absolutely incredible, but the moment has come for this chapter to close.

Anyhow. I really need to begin packing up my studio. Fun stuff!

In the mean time, visit Hannah as she’s an angel and heatherezell.com would be a DISASTER if it weren’t for her.

Now I shall go return to enjoying the last two days of my time in Colorado. Watch out world, I have a camera and I”m not afraid to use it!

It’s been a refreshing and fulfilling three days so far, and I still have about six left, thank goodness. I can’t even begin to describe how much I adore being here. The city of Colorado Springs is my home, it’s where I feel most connected and at ease. I will be moving here sometime in the next two years.

Anyway, while I knew it’d be colder up here in the mountains, I never expected the gift I woke to this morning. Snow! On Easter! I shouldn’t have been surprised, as the last time I was in town on Easter it snowed then, too. Being a Southern California native, I don’t think I’ll ever get over my glee of snow. While it does become a pain in the ass rather quickly, there’s something so lovely and peaceful about it. It’s not rain, but snow beats the burn of the sun.

It made a perfect Easter present. I’m pretty sure it’ll be pleasantly mild the rest of the week, which is a good thing, but I’m certainly grateful for the random winter day. Colorado’s bipolar weather makes the state all the more charming.

Anyway, I hope everyone’s Sunday was beautiful. Whether you were celebrating Easter or just relaxing before Monday, hopefully something or another made you smirk and laugh.

(Video made August 2008. Ignore the cheesy ending, please.)