Anyway. Life.

I have moved to Colorado Springs. Everything involved in my relocation occurred so effortlessly. Nothing went wrong. I’m still blinking back in shock – waiting for something horrific to fall from the sky, to symbolize the intensity of what I just did.

What did I just do? I moved to Colorado. Since I was fourteen I’ve been counting down the days until I turned eighteen and could ship my life off to the Rockies and it finally happened, it’s no longer a dream, no longer a hopeful goal, but absolute reality. I signed a lease, drove over a thousand miles, and spun my life into a whole new orbit. The days here pass differently, like the high altitude has greater powers then what we know.

I’ve been here for two weeks now, but if I didn’t know better it’s been two years. Time has slowed incredibly and for once I’m so grateful, for the first time in my life I’m bowing down to this perspective, to these days that last for an eternity. It’s odd to be on my own again, to have flatmates and no parents and no one to bend to but myself. But it’s so right, this is so what I needed, and as each hour ends, I find myself all the more giddy to be living the life I currently live.

Nothing is constant. Nothing ever remains the same. Everything changes. That’s the truth of life, that’s the one fact that has yet to fail in consistency. So as this moment stretches on, I’m all the more grateful to be within it.

I think I’ll remain a Monthly Blogger for now. It works with my current rhythm and, truth be told, blogging is low on my list of priorities. I have my novel revisions, my friends, my distant family, my health to maintain, a psychology course this semester to ace, a job to obtain, and so on. But I’ll still be around, I always come back eventually.

May I just take this random paragraph to rave over how incredible it is to live where my second book takes place? It’s such a blessing to work on a scene and then drive to where it supposedly occurs. It’s a constant flood of inspiration, an endless reminder to STOP, slow down, and write for fuck’s sake. And yeah, okay, I definitely lived in Orange County (within driving distance of everything) where A FEAR OF TEARS is set during the entire writing process, but this is different. This is Colorado Springs.

It’s like I’ve finally come home. I’m living my dream, the dream I held close since I was fourteen, and it feels so real. This is reality. The truth of it hit me easily. I settled here so naturally.

Before I wrap this up just a quick shot out to all of my fellow aspiring authors out there! If you have a completed YA or MG manuscript, check out this Kidlit Contest. I’ll definitely be entering.

Anyway. Back to the FIY revision!

Okay, so, yeah. I have a FEW excuses. I’ve been incredibly absorbed in my A FEAR OF TEARS revision. So absorbed that I finished two weeks before my deadline (I’m wrapping up the copy edits now). And alright, my house has been kind of crazy. We’ve had guests staying for days at a time, I got new glasses, my twenty-one year old sister has been making more (highly welcomed!) appearances, the dogs are on crack, my younger brother (14) and sister (15) are as crazy as ever, it’s been cloudy, it’s been sunny, I was deathly ill for three days but found recovery…

See? A plethora of excuses.

But really… REALLY… I could have easily updated this poor dusty site amidst all the “turmoil”. And honestly, when is life not hectic? When are we not scrambling to stretch every last second of every last day? I guess the truth is that blogging has fallen beneath all of my real greater priorities.

Such as the AFOT revision, which I finished and am truly so proud of, or spending time with my family before I move 1000 miles away this January, and taking care of my body, or just simply enjoying the day I’m experiencing. Hell! If skimping out on blogging means a happier, more content life, then I’m going to skimp like a PRO. Because seriously, it’s been a beautiful month. And that’s what matters. Enjoying what I have, what I did do, rather then focusing on the things I didn’t. Like, er, blogging. Or making those appointments to see my hematologist and orthopedic and remembering to take all my damn medication.

Life isn’t about the endless lists of setbacks and forgotten To Do lists. It’s about the smiles we find within all of those cloudy (or in my typical case, hot) blistered days.

From the Montage at Laguna Beach, California – Featured in AFOT.

Anyhow, like I said I finished the A FEAR OF TEARS revision. I’m so pleased with my work. I finally can recognize that I have grown as a writer. I’m not sure what will happen with the manuscript – if it’ll finally be picked up, or if another revision will be needed, or if it’ll simply grow moldy in the back of my closet – but I’m proud of it. I know that I put my soul into the book, and that means so much to me.

Now I’m trying to figure out what direction I’m headed next in terms of writing. I believe a FALLING INTO YESTERDAY revision is in my near future, but I don’t want to start that until I receive my highly awaited “notes” from a Very Important Person. So, until then, I think I’ll read through the manuscript and let my mind brew. I need to figure out the sequel and clear a few questions up.

From the Montage at Laguna Beach, California – Featured in AFOT.

Whatever the case, life is good. I hope everyone has enjoyed their autumn so far! What are you all doing for Halloween? I MAY document my night, but we’ll see. All I have to say is that I’ll surely be rocking my wings.

The A FEAR OF TEARS revision is going fabulously. Even more so now that I have a real deadline. October 25th. I spent all of the summer skipping around the country and doing close to no work, so getting back to the real grind of ten hour writing days (give or take) feels so good. Like jumping into that chilled pool on a blistering hot day.

My move to the Rockies is just around the corner. It’s 41 degrees in Colorado Springs today (in September!). It’s 102 here. I think I may be in for a bit of shock come January. Snow? What’s snow? Is it something you eat? Hm. I guess I’ll have to see.

I wonder how The Agent is liking FALLING INTO YESTERDAY. I should be hearing some feedback in the next month. Scary, but exhilarating. I really adore life right now. Writing, revising, reading, moving so soon, all with some vegan baking in between.

I want to fly to Alaska tomorrow morning. Who’s with me?

Oh. No one? Well, I guess I should go make some more ginger jasmine tea and get back to writing.

Until next time!

As of a few hours ago, I’m eighteen years old. Happy birthday to me, right? I’m pleasantly content and honestly kind of out of it. Really just feeling blessed right now. So far this epic (primarily northern) California road trip has been lovely. I always forget how incredible this state is. I must say, I’m without a doubt a northern girl. I prefer the redwoods, rain, foggy beaches, and green scenery over the southern tropical brown heat any day.

I’ve been soaking up every moment of this trip, primarily in the wonderful Humboldt County. This place has a sketchy reputation (thanks to marijuana farming), but it’s so laid back and remarkably beautiful here. The ideal spot for me to spend my last few days of being seventeen!

Today we’re heading 200 miles south to San Francisco. The Bay Area! YES. My old home. It shall be a wonderful birthday indeed. I won’t be back in Orange County until Wednesday, and then Thursday I head even further north to Seattle! It seems my birthday celebrations will extend all through August.

I’d love to get deep and really dive into my thoughts in terms of my new age, but I must pass out so I have some energy to wander San Francisco later today. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to grab a few minutes of spare time to write more, but until then, a few visuals for everyone:

Enjoy your week!

Well, last Thursday I received a few answers in regards to my poor health. If you follow me on Twitter, then you most likely already know that I somehow or another managed to develop salmonella poisoning. Yes, SALMONELLA POISONING! The thing you typically get from eating raw eggs and meat? The thing that SIX HUNDRED US citizens die annually from? The thing that usually departs your body in 4 to 7 days, if it hasn’t crippled you to a hospital bed?

A few thoughts for everyone:

• I’ve been a solid vegan for 2 years.
• I don’t have a spleen and I suffer from an immune deficiency disorder, as well as four other blood disorders. This leaves my body very undefended in terms of illness.
• My doctor estimates that I’ve had this salmonella poisoning for SEVERAL MONTHS now. My body didn’t have the tools to fight it off alone, so it’s just been… sitting in me. It’s incredible that I’m not dead, really.

No wonder I’ve been feeling horrid lately!

To top this all off, I also learned that I have a severe intolerance to chocolate. CHOCOLATE! My ultimate favorite food. There is nothing more brilliant then a tiny piece of 80% dark chocolate after several hours of rigorous, yet blissful writing. I grew up on chocolate milk, every day, sometimes 3 times a day. Chocolate. I’m intolerant to chocolate. Really? REALLY, BODY?!

Yes, I’m intolerant to chocolate, as well as about a hundred other foods. I now have another new medical term to add to my list! Intestinal Permeability. Basically, my gut is ridiculously and tragically sensitive. I’m practically intolerant to everything, really. It’s very likely I did this to myself, that this yet another lovely after effect of Anorexia. I’m trying to not think about this. I’m just going to push forward, eat what feels best for my tummy, and hope that I eventually regain my body’s trust again.

My name is Heather Ezell and I’ve been chocolate free for 3 days. Please comfort me during this tragic time.

I’m still waiting to hear back from other tests, the more important tests, actually. Blood work. Yes, we now are worried something new is occurring with my blood. I’m praying everything will turn out normal (normal for me, that is), but I won’t get any answers until late August…

Until then, I’m enjoying my life and not fretting over silly things like food sensitivities and salmonella poisoning (which I’m now on intensive medication for). Both have been caught and now I can only move on. While I could morn my new dietary restrictions and last six months of sickening health, it simply DOES NOT matter and there is no point in obsessing over it.

What matters?

Spending time with my family and friends, the fact that my body has managed to put up with all of this turmoil, writing to my heart’s desire, being in the moment, traveling and learning from new sights, and honestly, being optimistic. I know personally that life is too fragile and short to let the small things break you down.

Enjoy your week, friends! Take a moment and dedicate it to something extraordinarily simple and special in your life, perhaps something you’re taking for granted. Cheers for good health!

Thanks to an abundance of writing, packing, and an endless to do list, I didn’t have a chance to blog before I departed Southern California for Pennsylvania on Monday. I’m currently sitting beside my dear friend Hannah in a beautiful little town in Ohio, totally at peace with life. I’m thrilled to announce that I left my damn blues behind in Orange County.

This week has truly been incredible. I shall now go back to living it.

Unfortunately I didn’t take a before photo and I wish I did, as this room went through quite the transformation. Plain beige walls, one single poster, a framed Mormonish photo on the wall, and a brown bed were its prior shame. It was the guest room and a boring one at that. The moment I walked through the door though, I let my energy flood the space!

So, welcome in. No shoes on the bed and please ask before removing a book.

So here is the place I attempt to sleep each night. If you know me well enough, you should understand my adoration for dark and soft colors. Somehow – don’t ask me how – I managed to convince my mom that a black wall would uplift me rather then cause depression. And honestly, I love the black. Absolutely love it. It’’s soothing and a wonderful break from the bright California sky.

Also, do note the photo of the Eiffel Tower on the wall. I took it myself in January 2008. I plan to hang another photo beside it, most likely of something scenic from Colorado Springs.

Here we have my library and office area! The books in in the shelf are about half of what I actually own, which is rather ridiculous, I know. I’ve been donating/selling old books all month, so I’m not THAT selfish! Half of the art on the walls is my own work and the other half are cheap, cheap pieces I’ve stumbled upon in France, Italy, and Spain. Now my desk… I’m in LOVE with the desk. I’m actually sitting at it now. I found this piece of beauty in the GOOD WILL pile on my front lawn last month and jumped at it. How could my foolish mother want to give away such a lovely piece of furniture? I don’t even know. But I moved it into my room that day.

If you noticed the teddy bears on my book shelf and desk, well… There’s a certain loving black lab who likes to carry my bears around the house. I keep those two safe from her though, as I’ve had them since my first hospital stay when I was six.

The purpose of this photo is to share the artifacts hanging from the fan. There dreamcatcher and nighttime wind chime are up there in honor and inspiration of FALLING INTO YESTERDAY, and to help bring peace. There is also a beautiful glass/steel fairy flying hidden somewhere in the photo. She was a gift from my elder sister, I gift I love greatly.

And… I”ll leave you with a photo of epic cuteness…

It’s been hard. After living on my own in the rainy Bay Area, returning to my family’s house in the desert of southern California has not been an easy dance. There are many things I forgot about my childhood home – good and bad – and it’s been interesting rediscovering the emotions that my family brings out.

The number one thing that has helped me most with my move has been hiking. I live on the edge of Orange County, literally right next to an 8000 acre protected wilderness park and bird sanctuary. My family is blessed with access to a trail that runs through the preserved land – a trail that I believe eventually leads to Laguna Beach.

Anyway, I’ve become addicted to the hike. The land that surrounds me when I get deep into the hike is mesmerizing. Despite the rollings hills being dry as a desert, they are not at all lacking absolute beauty. I’m able to finally find peace on these walks.

I’m not the only one who enjoys the trail, my Belle baby was in absolute heaven the two different times I brought her along.

Anyway, now that I’ve fully nested into my new (and old) home, I can FINALLY get back to my full time favorite pass time and job: writing! I’m working on a revision for FALLING INTO YESTERDAY and I’m ridiculously excited for the new content and plot twists I’ll be adding. I can’t wait to share the updated manuscript with a few of my readers.

Have a great week!

It’s been a refreshing and fulfilling three days so far, and I still have about six left, thank goodness. I can’t even begin to describe how much I adore being here. The city of Colorado Springs is my home, it’s where I feel most connected and at ease. I will be moving here sometime in the next two years.

Anyway, while I knew it’d be colder up here in the mountains, I never expected the gift I woke to this morning. Snow! On Easter! I shouldn’t have been surprised, as the last time I was in town on Easter it snowed then, too. Being a Southern California native, I don’t think I’ll ever get over my glee of snow. While it does become a pain in the ass rather quickly, there’s something so lovely and peaceful about it. It’s not rain, but snow beats the burn of the sun.

It made a perfect Easter present. I’m pretty sure it’ll be pleasantly mild the rest of the week, which is a good thing, but I’m certainly grateful for the random winter day. Colorado’s bipolar weather makes the state all the more charming.

Anyway, I hope everyone’s Sunday was beautiful. Whether you were celebrating Easter or just relaxing before Monday, hopefully something or another made you smirk and laugh.

I’ve felt so much better the past two days, that I even went out exploring. Living in Berkeley without a car and very few friends, I make an effort to go wander and discover hidden gems at least once a week. This has become one of my ultimate favorite things to do.

Basically, I put on a good pair of shoes, sometimes bring my iPod, and grab my camera. Then, I walk. I get out of downtown (where I live) and simply wander. I typically go in the evenings, but I give myself at least three hours of sunlight, because I WILL get lost at some point.

But getting lost is the best part. I’ve found some of the most beautiful random things on these walks – a secret rose garden, a deserted mansion, mind numbing views of the entire San Francisco Bay, a field of flowers, a hidden river running through the city…

On Friday I discovered the best place yet. It’s no hidden gem, in fact, after doing some research, I realized it’s a rather known spot. But for me, it was an absurd and random place. I was giddy. After becoming quite lost, I was gleeful at my finding.

It had simply started as another unique street. Every house its own home. Every tree dancing to its own beat. I caught my breath though, when it ended, and before me stood a great huge boulder. Three times taller then all the houses it surrounded.

I approached it and grew even more thrilled as I saw people were sitting at the top. Despite wearing a dress and becoming more fatigued with every minute, I had to find a way up. I had to reach the top. Lucky for me, I discovered that jagged steps had been carved up the rock.

I walked. Step by step. And with the higher I got, the more incredible the view became.

I wish I had a better camera. A camera that could capture what my eyes saw. All of Berkeley. All of San Francisco. The buildings of Oakland. The Bay Bridge. The Golden Gate Bridge. The entire Bay Area. It stopped me cold, it was so beautiful and so unexpected.

I sat. The air brisk, but slightly warm. The sun out, but not so strong that it burnt my skin. I sat and looked out all around me. If you ever come to the Bay Area, I highly suggest you spend an evening enjoying the sun set beyond the Golden Gate Bride from Indian Rock. There are a lot of nice sitting areas, so perhaps have a picnic, too!

I’m not ashamed to admit that, despite it being over an hour away on foot, I returned to the same spot yesterday. Nor am I going to deny that I’ll probably be back again sometime in the next few days. It’s just such a lovely, peaceful spot. So inspiring…

Speaking of which, I’ve been writing a great deal. Churning out words at a faster rate then normal. It’s all material for FALLING INTO YESTERDAY, which is quite exciting. FIY’s plot is much more tricky and woven then A FEAR OF TEARS, so it’s fantastic feeling to have points finally come together.

Anyway, how was your weekend?