But. No. No. Productivity. Must be productive. Always productive!

My route to work after the weekend’s storm.

Life is lovely. In all honestly, I’m struggling with words. So much has occurred since I last wrote here, so much good, so much craze, so many random and thoughtful and ridiculous moments. How can I even attempt to sum it up in a silly blog post? Not to mention a quick, breezy blog post (despite this being a “mellow evening at home” I have a frantic list of things that should be accomplished before I attempt to sleep)?

Days pass easily. I’m more content then I have ever been. I keep waiting for something to slam into me, some great traumatic event to take place and swing me off my hinge. For years I have walked into each moment repeating, “You are happy, you are happy, you are fucking happy for fuck’s sake.” But now I just am. I am happy and my restless mantra is so unnecessary.

My jaw constantly aches. Perhaps I smile too much. Is that possible?

View from my Mini Cooper on the I-10 in route to Tucson, Arizona.

My psychology course is ridiculously intriguing. I flew to Utah and saw my family. I have yet to develop a senile hatred for my flatmates. My friends still seem to love me despite seeing me as often as they do. Driving in snow and ice and death is actually not as horrific as I expected. A good friend and I took a spontaneous roadtrip (literally planned six hours in advance) to southern Arizona and I got to hug my dear Hannah. I somehow managed to grab a job at an adorable independent coffeehouse in Manitou Springs (yes, where FIY takes place, yes, I pretend I serve espresso to Vincent everyday, yes, I’m crazy) where we have live music on frequent occassions and vegan cupcakes and HEMP (and almond and soy and regular) milk. I’m still writing, still revising (FIY), still breathing as I normally do.

Blurry family in Park City, Utah.

I have never been so alive. I have never been so productive. I have never been so excited to go to sleep at night just so I can wake up and start the new day. I always anticipated that Colorado would be a good choice of a move, that I would be happy here, but never to this extent, never to this grand of intensity.

Naturally everything isn’t all wonderful and dandy. There are faults and annoyances and minutes where I just want to scream at the cloudy sun. It’s reality. And it’s fragmented. But the fragments are what make the good things so blissful.

Today was good. It was good because I let it be.

And I wrote these 600 something words in these innocent few minutes and I’m sure this entire entry is scattered and cheesy and the usual Heather bullshit. But this is me. This is what makes sense in my head, what came from my fingers and out onto my keyboard. I’m here to remain.

Anyway. This is it. The end. Until March. And I’m closing comments. Not for any real reason. Comments just don’t feel necessary, you know? Email me if you feel compelled to respond to that question.

Anyway. Life.

I have moved to Colorado Springs. Everything involved in my relocation occurred so effortlessly. Nothing went wrong. I’m still blinking back in shock – waiting for something horrific to fall from the sky, to symbolize the intensity of what I just did.

What did I just do? I moved to Colorado. Since I was fourteen I’ve been counting down the days until I turned eighteen and could ship my life off to the Rockies and it finally happened, it’s no longer a dream, no longer a hopeful goal, but absolute reality. I signed a lease, drove over a thousand miles, and spun my life into a whole new orbit. The days here pass differently, like the high altitude has greater powers then what we know.

I’ve been here for two weeks now, but if I didn’t know better it’s been two years. Time has slowed incredibly and for once I’m so grateful, for the first time in my life I’m bowing down to this perspective, to these days that last for an eternity. It’s odd to be on my own again, to have flatmates and no parents and no one to bend to but myself. But it’s so right, this is so what I needed, and as each hour ends, I find myself all the more giddy to be living the life I currently live.

Nothing is constant. Nothing ever remains the same. Everything changes. That’s the truth of life, that’s the one fact that has yet to fail in consistency. So as this moment stretches on, I’m all the more grateful to be within it.

I think I’ll remain a Monthly Blogger for now. It works with my current rhythm and, truth be told, blogging is low on my list of priorities. I have my novel revisions, my friends, my distant family, my health to maintain, a psychology course this semester to ace, a job to obtain, and so on. But I’ll still be around, I always come back eventually.

May I just take this random paragraph to rave over how incredible it is to live where my second book takes place? It’s such a blessing to work on a scene and then drive to where it supposedly occurs. It’s a constant flood of inspiration, an endless reminder to STOP, slow down, and write for fuck’s sake. And yeah, okay, I definitely lived in Orange County (within driving distance of everything) where A FEAR OF TEARS is set during the entire writing process, but this is different. This is Colorado Springs.

It’s like I’ve finally come home. I’m living my dream, the dream I held close since I was fourteen, and it feels so real. This is reality. The truth of it hit me easily. I settled here so naturally.

Before I wrap this up just a quick shot out to all of my fellow aspiring authors out there! If you have a completed YA or MG manuscript, check out this Kidlit Contest. I’ll definitely be entering.

Anyway. Back to the FIY revision!

As always, I’ve been writing, but not in the typical Heather Way. I’m writing poetry and lyrical passages of nothing. I’m writing a lot of odd types of artistic things, work I don’t usually do. I’ve never been one for poetry, but that has become my muse. Long paragraphs of eloquent meaningless whining. I’m proud of the writing, but they’re not novels. And therefore in my head not truly productive. I’m in between revisions. I SHOULD be working on FIY, but instead my mind is spinning with these silly fragmented passages. Poetry of sorts, but not really. I’m no poet.

And yeah, I totally just made a huge deal about being a “novelist” back in August, and not wanting to write anything but novels, but gosh, these days my creativity has just tilted. I’m not complaining. I welcome the change. Though I do need to work on the FIY Revision #2. Perhaps the ball will get rolling again once I receive my professional “notes”. No, I still have not heard from the Important Person, but I’m oddly calm about it. She’ll email whenever she emails, and you know, until then I’ll continue to work and cultivate my craft.

I got a new tattoo this weekend!

The four leaf clover was done in July 2008, when I was sixteen. I had to go to Vegas for it, but I’m so glad I did. It’s a long story, but the clover symbolizes recovery. It’s a marking of my strength, my healing, my recovery. The nod to my Irish roots and extra luck is just a bonus. The lotus is fresh and new, just scarred on this Friday. It symbolizes purity, the growth of my spirituality, and finding that spark of connection within myself.

Anyway. I’m absurdly pleased with how it turned out.

Mallory requested a photo of my new glasses. So, this photo is dedicated to her! Yeah. Not really a picture of my glasses specifically, but I’m really not a fan of close up face photos.

I’m off to bake some spelt cranberry vegan cookies for my older sister and then perhaps practice some yoga. Have a lovely week!

Okay, so, yeah. I have a FEW excuses. I’ve been incredibly absorbed in my A FEAR OF TEARS revision. So absorbed that I finished two weeks before my deadline (I’m wrapping up the copy edits now). And alright, my house has been kind of crazy. We’ve had guests staying for days at a time, I got new glasses, my twenty-one year old sister has been making more (highly welcomed!) appearances, the dogs are on crack, my younger brother (14) and sister (15) are as crazy as ever, it’s been cloudy, it’s been sunny, I was deathly ill for three days but found recovery…

See? A plethora of excuses.

But really… REALLY… I could have easily updated this poor dusty site amidst all the “turmoil”. And honestly, when is life not hectic? When are we not scrambling to stretch every last second of every last day? I guess the truth is that blogging has fallen beneath all of my real greater priorities.

Such as the AFOT revision, which I finished and am truly so proud of, or spending time with my family before I move 1000 miles away this January, and taking care of my body, or just simply enjoying the day I’m experiencing. Hell! If skimping out on blogging means a happier, more content life, then I’m going to skimp like a PRO. Because seriously, it’s been a beautiful month. And that’s what matters. Enjoying what I have, what I did do, rather then focusing on the things I didn’t. Like, er, blogging. Or making those appointments to see my hematologist and orthopedic and remembering to take all my damn medication.

Life isn’t about the endless lists of setbacks and forgotten To Do lists. It’s about the smiles we find within all of those cloudy (or in my typical case, hot) blistered days.

From the Montage at Laguna Beach, California – Featured in AFOT.

Anyhow, like I said I finished the A FEAR OF TEARS revision. I’m so pleased with my work. I finally can recognize that I have grown as a writer. I’m not sure what will happen with the manuscript – if it’ll finally be picked up, or if another revision will be needed, or if it’ll simply grow moldy in the back of my closet – but I’m proud of it. I know that I put my soul into the book, and that means so much to me.

Now I’m trying to figure out what direction I’m headed next in terms of writing. I believe a FALLING INTO YESTERDAY revision is in my near future, but I don’t want to start that until I receive my highly awaited “notes” from a Very Important Person. So, until then, I think I’ll read through the manuscript and let my mind brew. I need to figure out the sequel and clear a few questions up.

From the Montage at Laguna Beach, California – Featured in AFOT.

Whatever the case, life is good. I hope everyone has enjoyed their autumn so far! What are you all doing for Halloween? I MAY document my night, but we’ll see. All I have to say is that I’ll surely be rocking my wings.

As of a few hours ago, I’m eighteen years old. Happy birthday to me, right? I’m pleasantly content and honestly kind of out of it. Really just feeling blessed right now. So far this epic (primarily northern) California road trip has been lovely. I always forget how incredible this state is. I must say, I’m without a doubt a northern girl. I prefer the redwoods, rain, foggy beaches, and green scenery over the southern tropical brown heat any day.

I’ve been soaking up every moment of this trip, primarily in the wonderful Humboldt County. This place has a sketchy reputation (thanks to marijuana farming), but it’s so laid back and remarkably beautiful here. The ideal spot for me to spend my last few days of being seventeen!

Today we’re heading 200 miles south to San Francisco. The Bay Area! YES. My old home. It shall be a wonderful birthday indeed. I won’t be back in Orange County until Wednesday, and then Thursday I head even further north to Seattle! It seems my birthday celebrations will extend all through August.

I’d love to get deep and really dive into my thoughts in terms of my new age, but I must pass out so I have some energy to wander San Francisco later today. I’m not sure when I’ll be able to grab a few minutes of spare time to write more, but until then, a few visuals for everyone:

Enjoy your week!

This is a quick post. Basically, just a hello and a good bye! For the next twelve days I’ll be traveling up and around California – hitting up the Yosemite, the American Fork River (hello river rafting), Napa Valley, the Redwood Forest and Humboldt County, San Francisco (hello old home!), Big Sur, and lastly, San Louis Obispo.

Will we survive 12 days straight together?

During this time I’ll be turning eighteen (August 9th), so be sure to send me some happy birthday vibes! Most likely, I won’t be posting again until I return from the road and before I depart for the skies (aka Seattle). I hope everyone has a beautiful start to their August!

Ironically enough, my health issues flared up the day after I returned home and in result I’ve been taking it easy. I’m not exactly certain what’s going on with my body, but I’m crossing my fingers that this is just a random rough few days. I won’t be able to get my blood work tested until August 21st, so lets hope things don’t get worse. Meanwhile, I’m happily continuing through my A FEAR OF TEARS revision.

I have an insanely busy month ahead filled with traveling (a long road trip up the coast of California followed by a week in Seattle) and writing. Combined with my recent decrease in health, I’m thinking blogging may become a bit more random. I also turn 18 on the 9th of August while in Eureka, CA. So, that will be… neat.

Basically, expect random, quick, and photo heavy entries until September, if anything. I hope everyone enjoys the remainder of their summer!

Thanks to an abundance of writing, packing, and an endless to do list, I didn’t have a chance to blog before I departed Southern California for Pennsylvania on Monday. I’m currently sitting beside my dear friend Hannah in a beautiful little town in Ohio, totally at peace with life. I’m thrilled to announce that I left my damn blues behind in Orange County.

This week has truly been incredible. I shall now go back to living it.

Smile, smile, smile.

I always find it intriguing how holidays bring people together. Events like Independence Day are especially interesting to me.

My typically-empty neighborhood lake park area was transformed into a melting pot of friends and family, everyone joining together for a festival of music and laughter. Maybe I’m just cheesy (OK – I am), but it makes me spin when vast amounts of people unite in celebration. I didn’t even mind the plastic Orange County folk!

Just a tiny cluster of the large lake.

Anyhow, I’m just rambling. I’m off to go spend my last few days with my Quebecer (Quibecian? Je ne sais pas!) friend before she departs back to Canada. Don’t pass out in the summer heat!

I’m feeling significantly better today. Still a bit queasy and off, but oh so healthy and alive. Is it weird that I’m often grateful for illness? Because once I recover and feel better, I find I have so much more gratitude for my life and health. I wrote an entry a few weeks ago (yes, it’s one of the lost blogs) about my numerous blood disorders, and I remember I had such difficulty writing it. I felt like I was complaining. I was sure I sounded selfish… because truly, I’m blessed.

I have a body that can walk (and sometimes run!), lift, stretch, and breathe. My body does so much work for me. It never gives up, never lets me down. Sure, it has its flaws… but look at me, I’m still alive. I guess after a week of being confined to my bed, I’m feeling grateful today.

Anyway, a good friend of mine is flying in from Canada tomorrow (well, technically Utah, but whatever). I haven’t seen Dalia since last March, so I’m beyond thrilled for her visit. It’s funny. She saw my temporary home of the Bay Area and now she’ll be seeing my childhood home of Orange County.

While I’m definitely not as proud as Southern CA as I am of Northern CA, I’m still excited to share it with her. It’ll also be fun to bring a Canadian along for my Independence Day celebrations!

Have a beautiful day everyone!